


If You Could Just Hold Me

by writingbuzz



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Communication, M/M, Post Season 4, Post canon, Talking, chalex - Freeform, kinda angsty? but not really, sleepy boyfriends, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25006075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingbuzz/pseuds/writingbuzz
Summary: Alex has trouble sleeping, Charlie is there to help sort out his thoughts.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Comments: 20
Kudos: 111





	If You Could Just Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from the song 'Are You Alright' by Ulrik Munther.
> 
> Enjoy!

They both had been busy these past few days. Alex was getting ready to leave for university in a few days and Charlie had gone camping with the football team - working on their team morale. Besides a few sporadic texts and short phone calls during the day Charlie had not spoken to Alex. They had agreed to meet up for breakfast on Saturday morning, seeing as they had the weekend free to spend together. However, come 9 a.m. Alex was nowhere to be seen at the cafe downtown where they had decided to meet up. Not too worried about Alex being a bit later Charlie sends him a quick text, and orders himself a coffee. When his text remains unanswered twenty minutes later, he starts to think that maybe Alex had forgotten about their breakfast date. Trying not to jump to conclusions he dials Alex' number and waits for him to pick up. But to no avail, after the fifth or so ring, he gets his voicemail. Not necessarily worried, but still wanting to know what's going on, Charlie quickly to finishes the last of his coffee and pays for it.

The drive to Alex' house is relatively short, and within fifteen minutes he pulls up at the Standall household. The deputies car is gone - Mr Standall having already left for work. But as Charlie gets out of his car he sees Mrs Standall walking out the front door. She seems to be checking her bag, so she is probably leaving, too. Charlie raises his hand and calls out, "Good morning, Mrs Standall!"

She looks up at Charlie and smiles, "Hi Charlie! Good morning to you, too. I take it you're here for Alex?" Charlie walks up the steps towards to house as he responds, "Yes ma'am, we were supposed to meet up for breakfast."

"Oh, I haven't seen him yet this morning. He must have slept through his alarm," she glances back at the house, at Alex' bedroom window, "you want to go up and wake him? Make sure he doesn't sleep his day away?" she asks with a smile.

Charlie is surprised by the relief he feels upon hearing that Alex just slept through his alarm. Nothing weird or bad happened then, at least. "Yeah sure, only if it isn't a problem, though. You seemed to be on your way out." Not wanting to get in the way of Mrs Standall's plans.

She makes a vague waving motion with her hand, "Of course not," she smiles, "I think you boys are responsible enough to be able to have the house to yourself for a few hours," she adds with a pointed look. Charlie can feel his face starting to heat up even though he doesn't have anything to be embarrassed about. He and Alex hadn't done anything like that - not that Charlie didn't want to, but he could sense that Alex still needed some time. And Charlie was fine with that, he would wait an eternity for Alex.

"Yes, of course, ma'am", he promises Alex's mom. "Well, go on then. I'm just running some errands. I'll be back around noon." And then she is off, walking down the steps towards her car. Charlie waves a last time as she pulls out of the driveway, and then turns around towards the house. The door left open. He walks inside and carefully closes the door behind him.

The house is silent, except for the rhythmic ticking of the clock in the kitchen. He takes the stairs two at a time and comes to a halt in front of his boyfriend's bedroom door. No sound can be heard from inside. He raises his hand and softly knocks, "Alex? You awake?" He calls. No answer. Just to be sure he knocks once more before slowly opening the door.

His eyes are immediately drawn towards the figure on the bed that is his boyfriend. Splayed out on his stomach, arms spread to both sides and legs slightly parted. The blanket kicked to the end of his bed and his head only barely resting on his pillow. From where Charlie is standing he can now hear the deep breaths coming form Alex, his lips slightly parted. Dead to the world.

Charlie leans against the doorpost, taking in the sight. While he loves to see Alex like this, unaware to the world around him with his guard down, something about the image doesn't sit right with him. As far as he knows Alex is a fairly still sleeper. Never moving around much in his sleep. But now, looking at the way his pants have bunched up around legs - leaving his chins bare - and how his shirt is twisted around his torso, it is clear that he did not have a peaceful night of sleep.

For a moment Charlie debates with himself what he should do. Does he wake Alex? Or does he turn around and leave Alex to catch up on some much needed hours of sleep? After a moment's consideration, he steps fully into the room and silently closes the door behind him. He walks towards the side of the bed Alex is facing and leans down, careful not to put too much of his weight on the mattress. Up close he can see the dark circles around Alex's eyes, a clear sign of sleepless nights.

He puts a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and softly shakes him, "Hey, Alex? Baby?" The only response he gets is a grunt that is muffled by the way Alex has his face pushed into the mattress. He takes the hand holding Alex' shoulder and moves it to rub down his back, knowing how much Alex likes it, and calls out again, "Alex, it's me. C'mon baby, wake up." For a moment there is no response, but then Charlie can see the eye that isn't covered by the pillow blearily blinking open. It's clear Alex is still not completely aware of what woke him with the way his eye darts around the room before settling on Charlie crouching in front of him. This seems to pull Alex a bit more from his slumber, lifting his face from the bed, "Charlie, what?", he asks confused. Charlie can't help but breathe out a laugh, his hand moving to brush some strands of hair out of his boyfriend's face. The creases in the pillow having left a mark on the side of his face. "Hey, sleepyhead. I missed you at breakfast"

This comment apparently works to get rid of the last remnants of sleep. Alex pushes himself up on his arms and moves around to sit on his bed, "Oh, shit," he glances over his shoulder at the clock on his nightstand, "I totally slept through my alarm. I'm so sorry, Charlie." He looks at Charlie with his apology clear in his eyes. Charlie raises himself up and takes a seat on the side of the bed, facing Alex. He takes one of his hands, "No apology needed, you just had me worried for a moment when you didn't respond to my text, I guess" he shrugs. Alex squeezes Charlie's hand - having come to appreciate Charlie's tactile nature - and insists "No really, I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to meeting up. I was, too. I'm just- I'm really tired."

"How come?" Charlie asks. A frustrated sigh leaves Alex' lips and he rubs his free hand over his face, "I don't know, I just can't seem to stop my thoughts from spinning at night. I don't think I've had a full night of sleep in the past week." Charlie makes a sympathetic sound, "Should I leave you to sleep for a bit longer, then?" He suggests, but Alex is quick to dismiss this, "No, no. We could still go out for breakfast, right? Or well - maybe brunch? Just let me get dressed real quick" He makes to get up from the bed, but Charlie already made up his mind and stands up. Quickly kicking off his shoes and pulling the belt from his jeans, before leaning on the mattress where Alex stopped with his attempt at getting up upon seeing Charlie undress, "What are you doing?" he asks, but the only response he gets is a nudge against his leg, "Scoot over". A bit confused he does as Charlie asks and moves a bit to the other side of the bed. Charlie takes off his sweater and reaches for the blanket at the end of the bed, before sitting down fully. He pulls his phone from his pocket and places it next to Alex' on the nightstand before laying down.

He reaches up to readjust the pillow and then opens his arm to Alex, who is looking at him with a puzzling look, "I thought you wanted to do stuff other than just sleeping together? Really, I'm fine", he tries to reassure Charlie. "Yeah well, I already told you that I love sleep, and I just so happen to also love you, so this is really just a win-win for me," he counters with a cheeky smile. His hand takes hold of his boyfriends' elbow and gently motions for him to lay back down. "Besides, I can't have my boyfriend walking around with panda-like eyes from being sleep deprived, now can I?." While joking, he can't help but be worried about his boyfriend's current state. Alex hadn't said anything about not being able to sleep when they had spoken this week.

With a sigh and a reluctant smile at his boyfriend's antics, Alex turns to lay back down. Charlie is quick to wrap an arm around his back and pulls the blanket up to cover both of them. They move around for a bit to get more comfortable. Alex throws one of his legs over his boyfriend's and lays his head on his chest while the other boy rubs his hand down his back. Alex chances a look up at Chalie's face, only to find his boyfriend's eyes already fixed on him. This adoring look - while laced with traces of worry - still manages to surprise Alex. Charlie always being so open with his affection and loving touches is a breath of fresh air for Alex, who had spent the last few years with his guards up about who he can trust.

Alex pushes up on his arm to get his face on the same height as Charlie's. For a moment they just let their eyes roam each other's features. A soft smile plays on his boyfriend's lips, and Alex leans down to press a kiss on them. Charlie makes a satisfied sound at the back of his throat and pushes up into the kiss. Surprised by his boyfriend's enthusiasm, Alex can't stop a smile from forming, causing their lips to disconnect. He tries to pull back, but Charlie raises his head from the pillow, reconnecting their lips in a sweet kiss. When he pulls back and lays back down he looks at him with a dazed smile, "Hi," he breathes out, covering Alex's hand where it's resting on his chest, "I missed you".

Alex scoots back down and nuzzles his face in the space between Charlie's shoulder and neck, "I missed you, too" he mumbles. The hand on his back goes to back to rubbing up and down, and Alex can almost feel himself melt into Charlie's side. For a moment they just lay there in each other's embrace. Alex really had missed Charlie. He never thought he would be one to crave someone's presence so much, but in the last two months, Charlie had become somewhat of a permanent presence in his life. They had tried to spend as much time as they could together before Alex was off to Berkeley.

The prospect of leaving his home town came with mixed feelings. For so long he had longed for the time when he could finally leave this hell-hole of a town and all the people in it. It's the place that had seen the worst of him, his lowest moments. Where he lost himself. But in the last few weeks, he has started to come around on that. Maybe not all this town had brought him was bad. While the circumstances under which they had come together were questionable, he now had a group of friends who he knew he could trust with all he had. His dad and he have never been closer than they are now. And then there is the boy in his bed. Charlie.

Looking back, Alex couldn't really pinpoint the moment he realised that he liked Charlie. Well, liked him as more than just a friend. They had always been friendly, and he'd forever be grateful for how much Charlie had risked for him by helping them out of the mess with Bryce and Monty. Charlie, with his goofy smile, never-ending kindness and confidence. The boy who seemed to have a cookie recipe for every occasion. The boy who deemed Alex deserving of his love. And not for the first time, Alex finds himself thankful for Charlie's persistence in pursuing him. As invigorating as he thought it back then, he had come to really appreciate Charlie's goal-oriented attitude.

He was going to miss Charlie.

Of course, they had talked it all through. It was only about an hour-long drive to the campus so they would take turns driving to visit each other. But Alex can't help but be scared that things will change between them. Distance is difficult. He figured it would be no different for them. Maybe, with some distance between them, Charlie would come to find that Alex is holding him back. Being the team captain and quarterback while being a high school senior would open so many doors for him. So many people would be happy to call Charlie theirs. And still, Charlie seemed to be content with whatever Alex can give him. He pushes himself even closer to Charlie's, basking in the comfort the solid form of Charlie beside him manages to give him.

"Penny for your thoughts?", Charlie inquires with a soft voice. Not really ready to speak his mind, Alex only gives a noncommittal hum. He can feel Charlie moving his head sideways and doesn't have to look up to know that Charlie is looking down at him, "What's on your mind, baby?"

_Baby_. There is that word again. It had taken Alex a while to let Charlie get away with using that nickname. He was older than Charlie, for fuck's sake. What would their friends think if they heard Charlie call him that? While logically he knew they probably wouldn't think anything of it, it had still left Alex with a feeling of unease for a while. But it had grown on him. He had come to love the way Charlie managed to take away some of the weight from his shoulders - or at least share it with him. He didn't have to always be strong, they could share that burden. And the nickname was just that - a nickname. One that somehow managed to carry the adoration that Charlie felt for the other boy.

At last, he raises his head from where he had more or less hidden his face in his boyfriend's shoulder and lays it on his chest. His fingers coming up to trace the patterns on Charlie's shirt. "I don't know. Just - things are going to change when I leave, aren't they?" Charlie doesn't seem to be surprised by the question or at least had somewhat expected it with how quick he is to respond, "I mean, yeah. But not all changes are bad, you know?" Alex only shrugs, not really seeing the positives of the situation, "I mean, you finally get to pursue something you are actually interested in. No more ignorant teachers who only feign interest in their students. You will learn so many new things. Maybe even new things about yourself. And next year, who knows, maybe I'll come join you at Berkeley," Charlie continues.

Rationally, Alex knows Charlie is right. And he agrees with him for the most part, "But you won't be there," for a moment he is afraid of sounding like a whining brat who thinks that they can't live their life without their boyfriend next to them at all times. But at the same time that nagging feeling he's been having these past few days overpowers that fear. "You know what they say, right? Distance makes the heart grow fonder," he can feel Charlie press a kiss to his hair before he continues, "And besides, don't think you won't be seeing a whole lot of me. I need my favourite cheerleader in the stands for at least half of my games." This makes Alex laugh, "I hope you're not referring to me. I'd feel sorry for the cheer team if they had to work with my cripple ass." As expected, Charlie is quick to defend Alex against himself, "Don't you dare talk like that about my boyfriend. I'll have you know that I happen to love the grace with which he limps around." Charlie's teasing grin is clear from the tone of his voice and manages to pull a chuckle from Alex.

"But really, you will be fine. Change is scary, but you have taken on so much scarier stuff. And you won't be alone. I'll always only be a phone call away, and so are your friends." While he already knew this, it does actually help to hear Charlie say it. As if he's speaking it into life. He looks up at his boyfriend, "I know. Thank you," he leans up and brushes a kiss against Charlie's jaw before laying back down.

A minute of silence passes. Alex can feel the sleep starting to creep back in, making his eyes heavy. Not only feeling reassured by Charlie's words, but also the mere presence of his boyfriend manages to calm the storm of thoughts in his head.

"Hey, Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"You know you can talk to me, right? About whatever." And there is a trace of something in Charlie's voice that Alex isn't used to hearing. Insecurity? Doubt? Whatever it is, it makes Alex's chest tighten painfully. He fights the urge to let his eyes drop closed and rolls over more fully onto his stomach, both his hands on Charlie's chest, supporting his head. "It's just, you could've called me this week if these thoughts were keeping you awake. I would've made time for you. If you wanted, I'd have come home. You know that, right?" Charlie's eyes are big, and the emotion is so clear in them. The devotion that Charlie carries for everything he values unmistakable.

"Yeah, I know. But I just wanted you to have a few days with the team. You shouldn't always have to worry about me. I mean - there wasn't even something to really worry about. I'd much rather you have a good few days with the guys than have you all worried about me losing some sleep over irrational thoughts. Okay?" he tries to reason, and he can almost feel Charlie readying himself to disagree with him before he quickly continues, "but if it makes you happy, I'll call you next time I can't sleep, okay?" he tries to reassure him. "Thank you", a small smile is back on Charlie's face.

Satisfied, Alex slides back down and cuddles into Charlie's side.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too, Charles."

And before long he can hear Charlie's breathing evening out, probably not having slept much either on his camping trip. The hand on his back having fallen still, remaining there as a warm and comforting weight. Surrounded by Charlie and feeling unmistakenly loved, Alex is quick to follow his boyfriend in his slumber.

They could always go out for dinner. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
